Allison Adams

“Whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth.”

― Paulo Coelho

I thought I had to rescue my inner child. Turns out she's been waiting to rescue me.

I don’t know that Daedelus had a daughter, certainly there is no known myth about her. But we do know about the fate of Icarus, who flew too close to the sun….I can imagine his daughter might have fallen from great heights too. Fortunately the sea is there to catch her.

"You can sit down with that fearful child inside and be gentle with him or her. You might say something like this: "Dear little child, I am your adult self. I would like to tell you that we are no longer a baby, helpless and vulnerable. We have strong hands and strong feet; we can very well defend ourselves. So there is no reason why we have to continue to be fearful anymore."

- Thich Nhât Hanh

“What you seek is also seeking you.” —Rumi

"It isn't easy to expose your soul to another, to risk such vulnerability, hoping that the other person will be able to tolerate your own irrationality. It may also be difficult, no matter how open minded you are, to be receptive as another reveals her soul to you. Yet this mutual vulnerability is one of the greatest gifts of love: giving the other sufficient emotional space in which to live and express her soul, with its reasonable and unreasonable ways, and then to risk revealing your own soul, complete with its own absurdities." —Thomas Moore

I made this drawing based on a cool dream I had about a month ago, but now it appears to have become about something else—and it looks different than I first imagined it. Funny how working with dreams goes...art too. Like engaged conversation, the meaning changes as we go. Remembering the dream is just the starting point. Following the dream can take you anywhere...

In the dream, a doorway to outer space was open, all I had to do was walk through. As I looked out into the darkness, I could see some others, hanging onto umbrellas, Mary Poppins style, which seemed to keep them from floating away entirely. I realized there was an umbrella waiting for me too, as if to tell me, if I stepped over the threshold into the unknowing, I would not actually be alone out there.

The Marriage of Opposites

What's rising up in you? 🌳 Hasn't it always been there?

One night when I was putting my daughter to bed, we had a little conversation that went something like this...

Me: "You know we live in each other's hearts, right?"

She: "Really? And where do our hearts live?"

"They live in our bodies."

"Where do our bodies live?"

"Our bodies live in our house."

"Where does our house live?"

"It lives in our town."

"Where does our town live?"

"It lives in the state."

"Where does our state live?"

"In our country."

"Where does our country live?"

"It lives in the continent."

(It was getting silly now, but we kept rolling...)

"Where does the continent live?"

"It lives in the world."

"Where does the world live."

"It lives in the Solar System."

"Where does the Solar System live?"

"It lives in the Universe."

"Where does the Universe live?"

"It lives in God."

"Where does God live?"

"In our hearts."

"So the Universe lives in our hearts?"

"Exactly."

❤️

(And there you have it.)

"Stop acting so small. You are the Universe in ecstatic motion."—Rumi

“Behind your image, below your words, above your thoughts, the silence of another world waits.”—John O'Donohue

“The moth prefers the moon and detests the sun, while the butterfly loves the sun and hides from the moon. Every living creature responds to light. But depending on the amount of light you have inside, determines which lamp in the sky your heart will swoon.”—Suzy Kassem

"Falling in love is an enchanted experience, a sudden eruption of color in a previously black-and-white world. The alchemy of love transforms the ordinary into the mystical and the mundane into the charmed. Routine encounters suddenly occur as rich in nuance and possibility and commonplace tasks take on new meaning and depth. Yet, just as easy as we are caught up in this cyclone of delight, we can also be dropped from the sky with nothing but the cold, hard earth to break our fall. Our love affair with love affairs often forgets to take into account Plato’s warning in 'Symposium' that love is both the child of fullness as well as of emptiness. Love does not promise to heal all wounds and make straight all crooked paths. Rather, love will often escort you straight into the most wounded parts of yourself, leading you round and round in some strange circuitous route right into the heart of disaster.

It is better, therefore, to separate the magic of enchantment from the experience of falling in love. We need to know that the mystical heights to which we aspire are not necessarily dependent upon any one person or any one kind of relationship. Love must be regarded as less the phenomenon of a particular connection, and more as a state of heart, body, mind, and soul that we are seeking to attain. For it is this intensely alive state of being, this thriving and optimistic perspective on life that we enviously long for as we surreptitiously observe new lovers at play. We yearn to be so naive, so happy, so connected, and so inspired. It is the brass ring, the gold medal, the Academy Award, and the Pulitzer Prize rolled up into one. Its source is not necessarily to be found in a lover, however. Its source can be found within each and every one of us.”

—Katherine Woodward Thomas

"The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things."—Rilke

“The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too.”—Van Gogh

"Each time we deny our feelings, body, dreams, and intuition, we serve (an) inner tyrant. The only way a woman can heal this imbalance within herself is to bring the light of consciousness into the darkness. She must be willing to face and name her shadow tyrant and let it go. This requires a conscious sacrifice of mindless attachments to ego power, financial gain, and hypnotic, passive living. It takes courage, compassion, humility, and time.

The challenge for the heroine is not one of conquest but one of acceptance, of accepting her nameless, unloved parts that have become tyrannical because she has left them unchecked. We can't go through life blindly. We have to examine all the inner conflicting parts of ourselves. Each one has dragons lurking in the shadows. It is the job of the heroine to enlighten the world by loving it—starting with herself."

—Maureen Murdock, "The Heroine's Journey"

“I’d like to be under the sea in an octopus’ garden in the shade.” —Ringo Starr (the Beatles)

Wolves make amazing mothers because they are fierce, they are pack leaders, and they adopt stray children of other species.

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there's something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”

Albert Camus

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."—Toni Morrison

“The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.”

― Augustine of Hippo

“Nights through dreams tell the myths forgotten by the day."—Carl Jung

'There is freedom waiting for you,

On the breezes of the sky,

And you ask, "What if I fall?"

Oh but my darling,

What if you fly?'

--Erin Hanson

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”
—Sylvia Plath

“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another.”—Thomas Merton

"The desert and the ocean are realms of desolation on the surface.

The desert is a place of bones, where the innards are turned out, to desiccate into dust.

The ocean is a place of skin, rich outer membranes hiding thick juicy insides, laden with the soup of being.

Inside out and outside in. These are worlds of things that implode or explode, and the only catalyst that determines the direction of eco-movement is the balance of water.

Both worlds are deceptive, dangerous. Both, seething with hidden life.

The only veil that stands between perception of what is underneath the desolate surface is your courage.

Dare to breach the surface and sink."

~Vera Nazarian

“I've looked at clouds from both sides now/From up and down and still somehow/It's cloud's illusions I recall/I really don't know clouds at all” —Joni Mitchell

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”—Yoko Ono

"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the ocean in a drop."—Rumi

“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.” —Walt Whitman (Song of Myself)

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

The old man simply replied, “The one you feed.”

(Native American Proverb)

“I'll be your mirror/Reflect what you are, in case you don’t know/I’ll be the wind, the rain and the sunset/The light on your door to show that you’re home.”—Nico, The Velvet Underground

“The Sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.” —Jacques Costeau

9x12” Acryla-gouache on paper

“I will sleep no more but arise, You oceans that have been calm within me! how I feel you, fathomless, stirring, preparing unprecedented waves and storms.”—Walt Whitman

"If the path before you is clear, you are probably on someone else's." —Joseph Campbell

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” —Albert Einstein

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”—Rilke

The myth of Medusa is often used to express the Shadow part of ourselves, which holds elusive, shame-riddled traits, that for whatever reason, we banished from our conscious awareness when we were young. It's the part that we deem so unacceptable that we cannot even look at it (lest we turn to stone?) but will project it on others instead, seeing it out in the world so we can reject it again and again, or at least interact with it in the safety of separation. However, it is still part of us, whether we acknowledge it or not (no one is all good....or all bad.) Everything casts a shadow in the light, after all. Medusa is seen as irresistible beauty, tragic victim, horrible monster, and mortal threat. In the myth, the hero Perseus, with the help from the gods who have given him some symbolic tools, holds up a mirrored shield so that he can see her reflection without looking directly at her, and cuts off her head.

Of course, we can never kill our Shadow, but we can learn to accept it so it doesn't keep wreaking havoc on our lives (and culture.) Taking a long look in the mirror is a start. And there are rewards for integrating the rejected parts of ourselves. After all, when Medusa's head was cut off, Pegasus flew out of her neck! 😳 Seriously, who wouldn't want a flying horse? You just never know what magic the Shadow has been hiding.

"Everything in the Universe is within you. Ask all from yourself." — Rumi

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves." — Rilke

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”—Carl Jung

"We don't find the meaning of life by ourselves alone—we find it with another."—Thomas Merton

“No one belongs here more than you.”—Brené Brown

”You've always had the power my dear...you've had it all along!” —Glinda of the North (The Wizard of Oz)

“Let's swim to the moon/Let’s climb through the tide/Surrender to the waiting worlds/that lap against our side.”—Jim Morrison

"The only thing that you absolutely have to know is the location of the library."

—Albert Einstein

My coach and I have been talking for a long time now about what he calls the "Life Purpose Point" and what I call my "Medicine." We imagine how this is carried in the somewhat-hidden thymus area of the body, the 'heart behind the heart' to to speak. The medicine is the most valuable element we have to offer the world, the very thing we may have come to give, and yet it's often the thing we keep most locked away—perhaps because we inherently know how precious it is and we still feel the the blood, sweat, and tears it took to develop it. Sometimes I think it's not ready, it's still cooking in the chemistry lab...that could be true, or it could be an excuse. It could all just be a journey toward trusting what's in there.

But developing your medicine (and then making it available) IS your life's purpose. The medicine wasn't always ready though...it came from your deepest wounding. You had to find a way to survive with your pain, walking hobbled through life, feeling inadequate or handicapped. Because it was necessary, over time, the venom was transformed into a sort of antivenin in the laboratory of your heart. You not only learned to live with this, but realized this can help others. Giving compassionately out of your own self-healing experience (and all the messy ingredients) is what you are here for. Eventually the joy of sharing your personal medicine with others becomes a new chemical activation in itself, which heals our past pain even more and turns it into a recognizable Purpose. We are all wounded healers. The medicine is where it all comes together.

"Our mind must make peace with our heart before we can witness peace in the world." —Thich Nhat Hahn

June 2020—Eclipse season

"To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light."—Carl Jung

"It is yin and yang. Light is the left hand of darkness... Light, dark. Fear, courage. Cold, warmth. Female, male. It is yourself. Both and one. A shadow on snow." —Ursula K. Le Guin

I've been thinking about how when we spend time alone without distractions, we are more likely to recognize our shadows. And since we are ALL going inward, literally and figuratively, we are ALL going to experience elements of this. Let them show up—this is a healthy thing, if not comfortable. If you don't acknowledge and integrate these shadows, they will find a way to make themselves known another way. It's much easier to project them on others, to blame, fear, judge. It's also easier to shame, repress, or run away from our "weaknesses" and less admirable parts than to learn to love (and know) ourselves more completely.

"The ear is the avenue to the heart."—Voltaire

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it, and embrace them."—Rumi

"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." -Rumi 🦢

"I am certain of nothing but of the holiness of the heart's affections and the truth of the imagination."

--John Keats

"In order to rise / From its own ashes / A phoenix / First / Must / Burn.” — Octavia E. Butler

"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” — Haruki Murakami

This one was inspired by the first photos of a black hole.

9x12” Acryla-gouache on paper April 2019

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” —Oscar Wilde

Allison Moore Adams In world folklore, the hermit archetype is known for spending his days alone, often on a spiritual quest, separate from the ways of the world, forging his own path. I intended to make the shell on his back more like a hermit crab shell, to make a joke and speak to the idea of carrying his "home" with him. But it looks to me more like a snail shell now, lighter and less protective perhaps—this also might point to the slow-moving energy that I relate to so much at present. The pack on his back also reminds me of a bed-roll, signifying that his option of rest is always with him. Another thing about the hermit character is that once he is ready, he returns to others as a wise mentor, sharing what he's learned on his personal journey. There is a cycle to everything, he won't wander alone forever.

"The mountain stands eternally in our awareness, calling us toward its peak. It stirs up stoic and regal feelings reminding us of the long line of spirits, sages, sadhus, and gods that made their humble thrones within its snowy peaks. Beware though, as the mountain can affect us in two ways: it can inspire and enliven us to rise to new heights and peak experience…yet it can also create isolation, competitiveness, and inflated sense of self. Standing upon its heights can activate the purist and the perfectionist in us, creating separation from those we deem to be “below.” No matter how high you ascend, remember that it is within the core of the mountain that the gems, minerals, and jewels reside. If you think it’s all about going up, you’re following the fool’s path and missing the miner’s magic."—Kim Krans

"We are born of love. Love is our mother."—Rumi

“I am rooted, but I flow.” —Virginia Woolf

I noticed that a statue of a goddess that I saw in a museum recently had missing hands, arms, and head. That’s not so unusual in itself, but it struck me as an archetype for the Wounded Feminine in ourselves and our culture/world. Even if we hold her up as a mirror, she has so many faces because it’s been shattered. Our vision isn’t clear....but one gift is that it IS diverse. We can collectively heal as we look at the reflections of other faces mixed with our own. I’m interested in brokenness as the path to wholeness....so here’s trying to explore this theme. Hope it makes sense to someone else too. (At the very least, I’m grateful to have arms, hands, and an actual head.) As Jung said, “I would rather be whole than good.”

PS This isn’t just for women...we all have a feminine side that’s survived the wars...if only barely.

“Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”
Khalil Gibran

"The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature."

❤️

"People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive."

—Joseph Campbell

"Where is my mind? Way out in the water, see it swimming..." - Frank Black (The Pixies)

I had a dream, years ago, before my daughter was born, and while I was living in England, away from a view of the ocean, that stayed with me for awhile. In it, a whale and its calf had escaped from a captivity-tank (maybe Sea World in San Diego) and was trying to find its way north in the Pacific Ocean. I recognized that they were swimming fairly close to the shore by the area I’m from and where I live again now. At the time, I wasn’t having a lot of dreams that I remembered, so the fact that it stayed with me was something. The images bothered me. I felt concerned for them, as they seemed ill-equipped for the journey and the mother didn’t seem to know where she was going, except that it was toward her natural state of freedom. We visited the Museum of Natural History shortly afterward and I saw a model of a pilot whale (the type it may have been in the dream) hanging from the ceiling. I had no answers but I think that compressed the image in my mind a little more.

A couple years later, visiting California, I went whale watching for the first time. By now, my daughter was born and I felt like I was breastfeeding 24-7 (I may have been) which was at once life-affirming, bonding, and frustrating. When I saw the magnificent shape of a blue whale moving through the choppy water, I remember first thinking: “THAT is a big breastfeeding creature…isn’t that what female mammals are?” In that moment, I related to the whale as if we were sisters—it was a powerful connection for me.

The captain of the boat educated us with this fun fact: The heart of a blue whale is the size of a Volkswagen Beatle. Incredible! I happened to own a Volkswagen (a blue 1968 Karmann Ghia) of my own when I was young…it was my first car and took me through many adventures over the years. I was very attached to it, and still would dream of it years after it was gone.

When I began dreaming again of the sea earlier this year, I remembered these dreams and put them together. In this painting, the car holds my daughter and myself, and the mother whale is bringing us through the depths of the ocean as her child stays nearby. I don’t know where we are going, but I feel safe. She may not know where she is going either, but she’s moving away from captivity and she’s knows how to survive and protect her child.

Whenever I see an image of a mother whale and child together, I point it out to Justine. Now she also thinks of this as our special spirit-image as a duo.

When I see an image

“The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face."

—William Makepeace Thackeray

I'm utterly fascinated by masks and the meanings people give them. The crazy thing is that people have been wearing invisible masks all along, but now that we are asked to wear paper/cloth masks temporarily in public to slow the spread of a virus there is yet no cure for, there is some outrage. Some see them as an act of compassion, some as a badge of fear. Persona is such a strong force...and won't be let go easily. I also find it interesting that being inside for so long has forced a lot of us to look deeper inside ourselves and find what may have been hiding in our own shadows, what may have been masked by distractions, limiting stories we've told ourselves, and the personas we build to more easily/safely interface with others. Inside, it's a lot harder to cover up our reality: even Zoom calls these days can reveal how out-of-control our lives really are at home (once our "safe places.") I personally find it refreshing to see the natural —if sometimes frazzled—sides of others showing up. There's new vulnerability in the world, and I wouldn't mind keeping that. To me, this time brings forward the complicated concept of real self/false self....we don't even realize most of the time which one we are showing. Ironically, often the people who observe us can see it more than we can ourselves. But that's how it's always been, faces covered or not. 🎭

“You can never love another person unless you are equally involved in the beautiful but difficult spiritual work of learning to love yourself. There is within each of us, at the soul level, an enriching fountain of love. In other words, you do not have to go outside yourself to know what love is. This is the wellspring of love within the heart. Through their need for love, people who lead solitary lives often stumble upon this great fountain. They learn to whisper awake the deep well of love within. This is not a question of forcing yourself to love yourself. It is more a question of exercising reserve, of inviting the wellspring of love that is, after all, your deepest nature, to flow through your life. When this happens the ground that has hardened within you grows soft again. Through a lack of love everything hardens. There is nothing as lonely in the world as that which has hardened or grown cold. Bitterness and coldness are the ultimate defeat.

You can search far and in hungry places for love. It is a great consolation to know that there is a wellspring of love within yourself. If you trust that this wellspring is there, you will then be able to invite it to awaken.” —John O’Donohue

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

—Ranier Maria Rilke 🌀🐚

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is: infinite." William Blake

“There are things known and things unknown and in between are doors.” -Jim Morrison

11x14 acrylic on paper $400

(mid-May 2020)

I painted this one, or at least started to, last July, when I had no idea how important masks would become within a year. I was interested in the concept of shared environments—in this case, one alien to the swimmer. If she swims with a mask, she can observe longer in this watery world and the giant turtle may feel safely curious with her. She may even start to blend in a bit, but of course we know she can only survive in the ocean temporarily. Her mask helps a lot.

Right now, masks are a big deal. There's been a lot of buzz around them in America over the past few months, and it seems there is a bit of stigma around them still. I personally don't mind wearing one in public, but I know some people do. We make our attachments to them for various reasons. I was trained as an actor, so you know I have a LOT of ideas around masks and their meanings. What a loaded symbol.

Besides the obvious safety reasons, I think I like them because, for a while, I can hide a little from the world and not hit it so face-forward with my heart on my sleeve. This is a welcome shift.

"Oh, mirror in the sky what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

—Stevie Nicks

“Life is a journey up a spiral staircase; as we grow older we cover the ground we have covered before, only higher up; as we look down the winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places where we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and progressive; we go both round and upward.”

—William Butler Yeats

“Everything is happening and has happened and will happen again. Everything that exists has always existed and will continue to exist. Memory is imagined; it is not real. Don’t be ashamed of its need to create; it is the loveliest part of your heart. Myth is the true history. Don’t let them tell you that there are no monsters. Don’t let them make you feel stupid, just because you are happy to play down in the dark with your flashlight. The mystical world depends on you and your tolerance for the absurd.”

― Nick Cave

"I live my life in widening circles

that reach out across the world.

I may not complete this last one

but I will give myself to it."

—Rainer Maria Rilke

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens”—Rumi

First I see sunfish, great unfinished mass…

Circling slowly clockwise,

I laugh in humor and horror at once…

Which part of me is this strange beast

this surprised-looking tailless pancake head

that dives down deep to feed

Than back up to the surface into the sun

where the birds pick parasites off it’s skin?

It offers it’s spoils to the sky before moving down again,

this is its gift, this is its life.

“There is enough light for those who only desire to see, and enough obscurity for those who have a contrary disposition.” — Blaise Pascal 🌙🌈

Acrylic on Paper, 2023

8x10 prints $55

notes, April 27

“The Thinker” in the basement. Between a rock and a hard place (a phrased based on Scylla and Charybdis myth in Homer’s Odyssey) Sea Monster/Whirlpool: Major choices, both dangerous. Facing the unknown or staying in a locked house on fire? Unknown depths. Escaping the Ego. “Growing Down.”

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”—Albert Einstein

“Time is an illusion”—Albert Einstein

Collage

“Duality is always secretly unity.”—Alan Watts

collage

“The moon, like a flower in heaven’s high bower, with silent delight sits and smiles on the night.”

— William Blake

May full moon, 2020